The blog formerly about a daily dose of mostly Minnesota sports rants and raves with a sprinkling of general sports commentary and a pinch of jaded-malaise regarding the world around us

December 28, 2011

New Addition to the Jazz Odyssey- RTS' Tix



From a young age I saved my ticket stubs to concerts, sporting events and pretty much any event that had a stub. About 10 years ago I put them in a photo album. Above is the first page of that album with tickets primarily from my high school and college years. The tickets are in chronological order for the most part. Because some are incomplete or fading, here is the list in order starting from bottom left with a little color commentary:

Poison with opening act Tesla or Warrant (my first concert also the first time I chewed), Sam Kinison, Steve Miller, Van Halen, Spinal Tap, Soup Dragons (notice it says 18 and up, I was not 18, total rebel), Reggae Sunsplash (near the beginning of Jans experimentation period), Poi Dog Pondering (chronologically out of order).

Soul Asylum (Outside of Minnesota), Primus, Cypress Hill and Rage Against the Machine (RATM blew headliner CH off the stage), Belly, Toad the Wet Sprocket (First concert with my wife), Freddy Jones Band, Kiss (first tour with make up back on), Basilica Block Party (Soul Asylum and possibly Big Head Todd and the Monsters headlined, chronologically out of order).

Notable missing tickets from time frame: Smashing Pumpkins with Goo Goo Dolls opening (Goo Goo Dolls were booed and Billy Corgan threw a fit), Fugazi, the 1st time I saw the Beastie Boys, George Clinton

Each stub has a story and an experience to go with it. To pick one as my favorite would be impossible. However, Van Halen is up there as that was at my Van Halen peak. Sure it was Van Hagar, but I was 10 or 11 when the original Van Halen split. Spinal Tap is up there as well. We made it such an event, specifically dropping DTK off to wait in line before school for tickets and when we went to check on him hours later there was only one other person in line.10-20 of us grilled out in the school parking lot before walking downtown to the concert. We had two blocks of seats with one set significantly better than the other. It was one of those events, like a wedding, where you rank your friends. Finally, the missing Beastie Boys stub (it went through the wash). 4 of us road tripped 5 hours in a Yugo from Iowa City and pre-partied at Jan's before going down to the show.

Next- the Chicago years and back to Minneapolis period.

December 27, 2011

Joe Mauer Writes...


LRTS and I got another card back in the mail. This was very different from the others. We received the card back unsigned with a postcard of Joe Mauer. The back of the postcard can be seen above. The greeting and first sentence seem too personalized to be real. If it is real great, if not it is still cool to get something back with a personalized touch. LRTS was thrilled and that is what this is all about. Whether it is Joe or his fan club responding, I give them an A+. Thank you Joe, we understand.

PS- It reminds me of the Simpsons episode when Ringo Starr writes Marge years after she sent him a painting.

December 23, 2011

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Only aware of the situation b/c my f-i-l, big Colts fan, is in town and mentioned this A.M. that Indy won last night. I presume you all are aware of the potentially huge implications here: if the Colts beat Jacksonville next Sunday, which would seem a very good possibility given they're now apparently on a hot streak and the Jags blow, and the Vikes lose out, WE WIN THE ANDREW LUCK SWEEPSTAKES.

St. Louis is still in the running, too, but apparently the draft order tiebreaker is reverse-order strength of schedule. Right now the Vikes' schedule has been tougher, but the Rams close with Pittsburgh and San Fran and should leapfrog us.

Ergo, Colts win one more to get to 3-13, we lose both to finish at 2-14, and St. Louis either wins one to finish 3-13 or loses both but their schedule jumps us in difficulty = first pick in the draft, bitches. Trade that shit for a pile of picks and (a) stock up on defensive players and (b) reverse the Herschel Walker karma forever.

December 21, 2011

News nobody cares about except me

http://espn.go.com/college-football/bowls11/story/_/id/7373783/iowa-hawkeyes-suspend-marcus-coker-insight-bowl-vs-oklahoma-sooners

One should not do football picks early, because kids have a habit of doing dumb things. For the second year in the row the primary rusher at Iowa has gotten suspended (two different kids). Iowa does not use a running back by committee approach. This could turn into a pass, pass and pass some more type of game for Iowa. It could also turn into a romp for Oklahoma.

December 16, 2011

Iowa the cesspool of America



I consider myself pretty tough skinned. Yesterday, the above article was brought to my attention and I have an issue with it. The article was written by a journalism Professor at the University of Iowa to show how a state with such insignificance plays such a seismic role in determining the next President. Fair enough, I am sure there is a very valid argument that could be made. I also bet one could make an argument against all 50 states. What Bloom does though is just take pot shots at the state and the Midwest. Supposedly, he has lived in the state for 20 years, but his observations sound as though they were made by a snob from one of the coasts who has never set foot in Iowa. I could go through this line by line but I will just take on a couple of obvious points.

1) Keokuk, is a depressed, crime-infested slum town. Almost every other Mississippi river town is the same; they're some of the skuzziest cities I've ever been to, and that's saying something.

Really? Have you ever been to Gary or Memphis or Stockton or New Iberia, Louisiana? I am guessing Keokuk has nothing on these dumps in terms of crime, poverty, graduation rates or drug use. My wife grew up in a Mississippi river town and would move back in a heart beat to get away from all the issues Atlanta has.

2) Not many cars in these parts of America. They're vehicles, pronounced ve-HICK-uls -- 4X4's, pick-ups, snowmobiles).

I have never had an Iowan ask me for a ride in my ve-hick-ul. I have had someone from the east coast ask me for a ride in my caah.

3) if you have some money, by God you'd never want to make anyone feel bad by showing it off.

Maybe the rest of the US should take note. Maybe if everyone was not concerned with keeping up with the Joneses we would not be in such a financial mess in this country.

4)In this land, deep within America, on Friday nights it's not unusual to take a date to a Tractor Pull or to a Combine Demolition Derby ("First they were thrashin', now they're CRASHIN'!")

I wish this were true. I would so make fun of my wife for going to one of these things with her high school boyfriend. Besides, I bet going to a combine demo derby would be pretty sweet.

5)Religion is the glue that binds everyone, whether they're Catholic, Lutheran, or Presbyterian. You can't drive too far without seeing a sign for JESUS or ABORTION IS LEGALIZED MURDER

Clearly this guy has never been to the South. These signs are so much more prevalent down here. They aren't on rural roads, they are in the city on the interstates.

6) The first day I arrived from San Francisco, wandering about Iowa City during spring break, billed as a bustling Big Ten University town, I kept wondering, "Where is everyone?"

It was spring break, of course there was no one left in the college town.

7)Indoor parking lots are ramps, soda is pop, lollipops are suckers, grocery bags are sacks, weeds are volunteers, miniature golf is putt-putt, supper is never to be confused with dinner, cellars and basements are totally different places, and boys under the age of 16 are commonly referred to as "Bud

I use or used all of these except sack and volunteer and I grew up inside the city limits of Minneapolis. A cellar is different from a basement. Isn't a lot flat and a ramp has tiers, so what the Iowans say correct? The rest is nothing other than regional dialect, no better or worse than anywhere else. They call a shopping cart a buggy down here, what a bunch of morons!

8)Comfort food reigns supreme. Meatloaf and pork chops are king. Casseroles (canned tuna or Tatertots) and Jell-O molds (cottage cheese with canned pears or pineapple) are what to bring to wedding receptions and funerals. Everyone loves Red Waldorf cake. Deer (killed with a rifle is good, with bow-and-arrow better) and handpicked morels are delicacies families cherish.

I have never been to a funeral or wedding in which this was true, I have no idea what Red Waldorf cake is and food that someone has had a hand in bringing to the table is better.

9) To me, it summed up Iowa. You'd never get a dog because you might just want to walk with the dog or to throw a ball for her to fetch. No, that's not a reason to own a dog in Iowa. You get a dog to track and bag animals that you want to stuff, mount, or eat.

I highly doubt that most people are mistaking the Jewish nerd as a big hunter and that strangers really admire his dog that much. Although, it does seem like a better reason to get a dog than to get a pit bull or a large dog to show how tough you are as seems to be the culture in many urban areas.

10) an assortment of waste-toids and meth addicts with pale skin and rotted teeth

How about some statistics to back that up? I was told by someone who was trying to staff a manufacturing plant in Oklahoma that Oklahoma had the worst meth problem. This made it very difficult to find people to work there. Regardless of which state has the worst meth problem, which we won't know without some statistics, meth is a nationwide problem not just an Iowa problem.


I could go on and on. I acknowledge that I respond to some of his comments by making fun of other parts of the country. I am just pointing out that everywhere has pitfalls. Instead of tearing down the state why not stick to the facts like it is 91% white and the like. In the end what gets me really mad is this is a guy blasting the people who pay his salary (100K+), the tax payers of Iowa, and ripping his customers, the students of those Iowa families. If this was anywhere but academia the guy would be canned. Also, I would expect more from a journalism professor than this dribble. Talk about making the state look bad, they have this guy teaching at their university.


Shows I'm Watching on Television Right Now - Beyond Scared Straight on A&E

Beyond Scared Straight is Generation Y's version of Generation X's Scared Straight and it is just as good, just not wholly-original. Get familiar with the program and you can't help but feel hope that these kids are going to turn their lives around by having the ever-living shit scared out of them by 'dudes' who are doing t-i-m-e - TIME . Hard time. Cautionary tale time.

The best/worst part is the end when they give the follow-up to what happened to the kids after their encounter on the program. Usually comes out in thirds -
  • 1/3 of the kids completely change and are scared straight,
  • 1/3 are kind of scared straight but still kinda fucking around,
  • 1/3 immediately got back into trouble and are now locked-up.

December 14, 2011

Big Ten Bowl Roundup- Ride the Conference Trend




There are 35 bowls and the Big Ten will be playing in 10 of them. Only Minnesota and Indiana are sitting at home this season. Bowl action kicks off this Saturday and the Big Ten plays their first game on Dec 27. All picks are straight up.

Dec 27 Purdue -2 1/2 Vs Western Michigan Little Caesars Bowl. Sounds kind of like pizza in a cup from the movie The Jerk. "This Pizza in a cup is way better than the last pizza in cup place." Neither team is a world beater. I saw Purdue play against Iowa and they looked pretty terrible. I am going with conference pride. Lets just hope if someone gets hurt the announcers will show more compassion than Pam Ward did when she covered the game. One way to tell you are watching a shitty game, Pam Ward is calling it. Big ten 1-0.

Dec 30 Iowa +13 1/2 Vs Oklahoma Insight Bowl. Iowa is playing in this bowl for the second consecutive year. Oklahoma went from BCS National Championship aspirations to this. Oklahoma will take this, but I am going to say it is not going to be the ass kicking many people are predicting. Iowa is pretty tough in bowl games, plus you get the who is disappointed to be here factor. Big ten 1-1.

Dec 31 Northwestern +9 1/2 Vs Texas A&M Meineke Car Care Bowl. Two 6-6 teams squaring off. I am going with NU. Texas A&M has lost 4 of their last 5 including 2 overtime losses. Earlier in the year they blew a big lead to Arkansas. To me this a team that can not close out games. Northwestern is that pesky team that can hang in there. Call this Gamblor's upset special. Big Ten 2-1.

Dec 31 Illinois -2 1/2 Vs UCLA Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. What a stinker. Both coaches have been canned. Illinois is riding a 6 game losing streak. UCLA has a losing record at 6-7. If you are tuning into this or betting this check into CFB rehab immediately. I am going with Illinois, because a team without Ron Zook has to be better than a team with Ron Zook. Big Ten 3-1.

Jan 2 Penn St +5.5 Vs Houston Ticket City Bowl. Here are two teams scratching their heads wondering how they got here. While it won't take many points for Houston to outscore Penn St, I think Penn St's D keeps this a low scoring affair and pressures Case Keenum all day. Penn St in a low scoring affair. Big Ten 4-1.

Jan 2 Michigan St +3 1/2 vs Georgia Outback Bowl. I think this will be a lot better game for Michigan St compared to their meeting in 09 or the drubbing MSU took in last years bowl game from Alabama. Instead of Georgia fans calling for Mark Richt's head, which is the norm, they are squawking they got hosed with this selection. I am going with Georgia. Just a gut feeling. Big Ten 4-2.

Jan 02 Ohio St +2 Vs Florida TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl. It looks like a good match up but it really is a clunker. If OSU did not complete the hail mary vs Wisconsin, they would not even be bowl eligible. The amount of times Urban Meyer will be referenced as the former Florida coach and the future OSU coach will make the game unbearable. Riding the SEC again and going with Florida. Big Ten 4-3.

Jan 02 Nebraska +2 1/2 Vs South Carolina Capital One Bowl (It is still the Citrus Bowl to me.) Steve Spurrier had a great comment back in the day "You can't spell citrus without U T." He now finds himself here and is probably pretty happy about it. Personally, I feel that Geogia and Mich St should be playing here. This will probably be a low scoring affair. Newcomer Nebraska gets a taste of what it is like to lose on (or around as the case may be this year) on New Year's Day to the SEC. Big Ten 4-4.

Jan 02 Wisconsin +6 Vs Oregon Rose Bowl. When was the last time Oregon won a big non-conference game? All I can think of is them is losing to Auburn, Boise St x2, Ohio St and LSU. Wisconsin can shoot it out if it comes to that. I also think they will play better D. I like Wisconsin. Big ten 5-4.

Jan 03 Michigan -2 1/2 Vs Virginia Tech Sugar Bowl. Thank you Houston for shooting yourself in the foot, allowing our conference to get 2 teams into the BCS. Both conferences here could be whistling that tune. Michigan is probably better than I think they are. The ACC is as terrible as it appears. Also the ACC's record in BCS bowls is abysmal at 2-11 with VT racking up 4 of the losses vs 1 win. This is the first year the ACC has had two selections. Riding the trend and going with Michigan. Big Ten 6-4.


Best Bowl names this year:

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl- Excuse my ignorance, are potatoes grown commercially anywhere else?

Advo Car V100 Independence Bowl -This is the equivalent to the Beef O'Brady's last year where I do not even know what they are advertising.

Belk Bowl- I always thought it was Belks. I stand corrected. Belk sounds like the noise a rock makes when thrown into a perfectly still lake.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl- I liked it better when it was the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl.

TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl- If this was the days of yore and I still played Dungeons and Dragons, I would name my most bad ass character TaxSlayer.



December 12, 2011

Yoko Ono Rises Again. Joe, Just Change Your Facebook Status to "Fucked"

Well, if there was still a question of what to expect from Mauer next year, I think it's been answered: Not Much More than Shit.

The only thing worse than getting married for a career in sports or music is finding religion. Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly had a shot to prove that wrong, but i think she finally realized he was mostly just pulling out of the rock bottom of his career anyway, so what would be the point.

December 8, 2011

The Rolling Stones - Kick ass band or Kick Ass Band?

I was googling around and thought of this song

which lead me to this song

and then I remembered this song

and then I realized I could do this all day

December 6, 2011

Gamblor puts his reputation where his mouth is


At the start of the college football season, a FOB approached Gamblor with a challenge, a college football pick em contest. The contest was simple: each contestant started with a mythical bankroll of $1000, could wager any amount each week but it had to be at least 20% of their total bankroll, juice was paid on lost bets and the winner was the person with the largest bankroll at the end of the season. A third party was recruited to partake in the contest as well. It was nip and tuck between Gamblor and the initial challenger. With 3 weeks remaining, they were even. That week was a disaster and the challenger took a commanding lead. The second to last week did not really move the needle. Gamblor needed a miracle going into the final week. He placed his entire bankroll (less 10% for juice) on Arkansas St -17 1/2. The challenger spread his out over 4 games. In order to win, Gamblor needed to get the Ark St game right and have the challenger miss 3 out of 4 games. Ark St did cover and the challenger picked a really bad week to have a really bad week going 0-4. Gamblor successfully took on all comers. Granted there was a ton of luck involved, but Gamblor will take them however he can get them.

December 4, 2011

Shows I'm watchin on TV Right Now

In the spirit of the new direction of FTLOSBW, I'm going to randomly post what I'm watching on t.v. - I may follow through with this, I may not.

Right now it's Virgin Diaries on TLC which, if you haven't seen, is the new greatest/worst show in television history. There's a couple who save their first kiss for their wedding. He's 30. Worse than you can imagine. Remember your first kiss? I don't even have to know you and I can tell you it was brutal because they all are. Now, imagine doing that over billion times in front of 150 family and friends at your wedding reception (she wouldn't let him take a breath without trying to kiss him.) By the end, their lips were grossly chapped from them jamming their faces together. Oh, and then they were interviewed the next day about whether they banged on their wedding night. I'll spare you the suspense, they did the horizontal mambo. He said it wasn't that great and she said it hurt. No shit. Why would anyone go on this show?

Following Virgin Diaries is "All-American Muslim" which I'm not going to be watching. Not because I have anything against Muslims but this show should just be called "Reality show of people who are living in Michigan. . . oh and they happen to be Muslim which we're trying to confront you with as if it's a mystery to all you viewers being at war in the region for the last 10 years but, surprise, these people aren't actually terrorists, they're American citizens living outside of Detroit and they drive Ford Explorers and have babies and mortgages."

December 2, 2011

FTLOSBW Changes Direction




We should all be aware by now that MCA resigned in a fit of maturity over how unimportant sports actually are. He did this mid football season to boot. I have not seen this kind of unprofessional behavior since Nigel Tufnel resigned on tour at the air force base. With interest already waning in the Minnesota sports scene, as well as previously confirmed commitments, it is with great excitement that I present to you the new direction of FTLOSBW:

A FREE FORM JAZZ ODYSSEY

Now I have no idea how you do something like this in print. Any suggestions would be welcomed. Let me say that the editors have already shot down the logo of a woman crawling on her knees, collared with a dog chain having a smelly glove shoved in her face. They thought it was offensive or something like that. For inspiration here is how it looked circa 1984:




December 1, 2011

. . . and let the Donovan McNabb era end

Well, that was short and terrible.

Big Ten wins ACC Big Ten Challenge again

The Big Ten won for the 3rd year in a row. I don't know what the relevance is in the grand scheme of things. I do not even like basketball. I felt compelled to write something because for years it was a given the Big Ten would lose the challenge.