Brilliance, courtesy of MCA

From July 2008 on FTLOSBW:

July 25, 2008

Minnesota Twins : NY Yankees :: Washington Generals : Harlem Globetrotters
Part I (the facts):In the wake of the latest (and last, but does anyone really think things will magically change across the street?) all-too-predictable Twins meltdown in Yankee Stadium, I've decided the Twins' utter impotency against the Yankees needs to be brought to the fore and vociferously bitched about. I am a very patient, low expectation, proud of my little engine that could Twins fan. Honestly. So, please excuse the theatrics, and cover your children's eyes. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!

I will not fucking stand by and watch us get shelled time and time and time and time again by this fading, aging has been dynasty any more without speaking up. It's one thing to struggle a bit against the king of the hill. This is quite another, and frankly, in case you hadn't noticed, it's got me infuriated. I simply can't take any more shoulder shrugging at this incomprehensible futility.

So, to prove that this isn't all in my head, I've crunched some numbers. These are all contained within the otherwise highly successful Gardenhire era, from 2002 to the present. 4 playoff appearances, 5.5 winning seasons in 6.5, one ALCS appearance. So, bear in mind we're not talking about a bad stretch generally in which our totally fucked mentality against the Yankees doesn't stand out from generally poor play or something. Other than the fact that we haven't won a World Series in this current run, these are basically glory years for a small market franchise like ours.

Here's where we're at, then, in the Gardy era, when it comes to the Bombers:1. The Twins have THE WORST RECORD IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE AGAINST THE YANKEES.2. IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE.3. 9-14 at the Dome, 3-19 (THREE AND NINETEEN!!!) on the road. That's 12-33 overall, a .266 winning percentage. Just for fun, if we played a full season as pathetically as we play the Yankees, we would finish 43-119, with an impressive 11-70 record on the road. Not once have we taken a season series over the Yankees in the period in question. (Notably, in TK's last season, we did, finishing 4-2 and winning a series in Yankee Stadium. Somehow this occurred even before the glorious birth of the full-time majors career of Johan Christ Santana.)4. Over the same period, the Yankees have played .600 baseball (647-425, .6035). Against teams other than the Twins, they're 614-413, or .5978.5. Thus, if the Twins played as well as just your average .500 team, they should expect about a .400 winning percentage against the Yankees. This would lead to an 18-27 record. So, basically, we've dropped a game a season to the Yankees when compared to the mythical .500 team. That doesn't sound like much, but considering the fact that with the unbalanced schedule we've actually only played the Yankees less than 6.5 games a year over that span, it's completely astounding. Every season, we basically have to face the Yankees less than any other team in the league, and yet we still spot everyone at least one game in the standings based on our performance against the Yankees. That is appalling.6. Of course, the Twins are not your average .500 team. During the Gardy era, the Twins are significantly better than .500. They sport a .5494 winning percentage over that period (589-483), and .5618 against all teams other than the Yankees. A roughly analogously successful team generally during this period might be, say, Oakland (599-474, .5582). How have they fared against the mighty Yankees and their unfathomably powerful mystique, you might ask? 25-32, .438. 7. The Kansas City Royals, most likely the worst team in the American League overall since 2002, are 14-36 (.280) against the Yankees in that span. The Tigers, who prior to 2005 could claim that mantle of worst team in the AL, are 17-31 (.354). The [Devil] Rays, who other than this season have generally been atrocious forever? 43-80, or .350. The WORST teams in the league are significantly better against the Yankees than the Twins are.

Part II, entitled "In What World Is This Possible?" to come, in which theories for this atrocity are explored, and we can brainstorm on what needs to be done. I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand.

Twins: A recent history of free agent mediocrity

As we have repeatedly seen, the Twins have done a pretty remarkable job of getting value back from trades. However, what they have never been good at is picking up a "big bat" or getting one or two more years out of an aging star to make an impact. Here's a brief but distinguished list of who the Twins have tried out the last few years. I was surprised that my grandfather wasn't given a shot at some point but then I reminded myself he has been dead for 6 years.

1. Jeff Cirillo - he was as much a part of last year's clubhouse as TC Bear was. I don't his deal but I haven't seen someone want out of a situation like that since I called my mom crying from Camp Warren when I was 8.
2. Bret Boone - career .266 hitter; played 14 games for the Twins in 2005, batted .170; why did we pick him up?
3. Tony Batista - this dude was playing for the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks in Japan in 2005 when we signed him. How do you say "50 games and a .236 average for the Twins" oh, yeah "Fuk-u-oka"
4. RonDL White - Huge upside to Rondell . . . oh wait, it's not 1992? Never mind, he's old and got hurt a lot.
5. Rueben Sierra - Yes, he played 14 games for us in 2006. That was also his 20th year in MLB. Seriously? This is who we pin our hopes on?

To make matters worse, I read this morning that Bill Smith might be interested in Tony Clark or Luis Gonzalez. With past as prologue, these moves make total sense. Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Tony Clark the only good player on those horrible Tiger teams from the 1990's? As for Gonzalez, he was really good for 5 years from 1999 - 2003, so much so that when I looked at his numbers I think George Mitchell might want to review his 2001 campaign when he hit 57 home runs, batted .325, and drove in 142 runs. However, if the Twins sign him, I'm sure his upcoming 19th year in baseball will be a renaissance for him (sarcasm font.)

So, here's to the new regime at 34 Kirby Puckett Place, may all of your trades be lopsided and may all of your free agent signings be younger than me.