FTOSBW - Twins Territory: It's the Pits!

Not that anyone here thought we were going anywhere but the 12-5 pounding of the Twins by the Sox makes you wish Morneau was batting .270 with 15 homers versus his .229 and 10 homers so we could trade him. 

Iron Ore Mine - Virgina, MN

Jerry Sandusky: Acquitted on Three Counts

Well, Jerry, I am about to go do something horribly sinful so I can be sure to get my chance to see you in Hell.

I am watching his lawyer, and he literally just said that 45 of 48 counts coming back guilty doesn't suggest to him that he is sick.  I swear I think he is basically saying "This is one of the more guilty people I have ever represented. You know, just so much molesting,  and then the seemingly unending amounts of evidence about the molesting and such.  Our strategy was mostly to, you know, try to get him acquitted on one or two of the massive amounts of charges, and we did that.  But, yeah, pretty much see where all the other "guilties" are all coming from."

10 Year Civ Game

This is a Holy Bejebus posting if I ever saw one, but since the section is gone it now gets it's own posting. http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/18/tech/gaming-gadgets/civilization-ii-ten-years/index.html

Finally! The Government Is Fixing the Shitty Fathers Problem

So, while i know this is not a political blog, this gem touches on the problem that haunts so many of our sports heroes - as men and boys: absent or inadequate fathers. And since one of the right honorable gentlemen is an expecting father (again), I figured this needs to be passed on as a sort of FTLOSBW Public Service Announcement.

It's reassuring to know that the government will be leading a roadshow to neighborhood barbershops to help educate fathers on how to do things like, feed your kids, teach them to brush their teeth, and have positive conversations.  I'm not kidding about any of this, BTW.

I'd suggest they have the first session at Travis Henry's local salon.

Now, I know what you're going to say:   "I don't know what's more insane, that the government is actually spending money on this, or that they're doing it at barbershops".   Or perhaps just,  "Holy Fucking Shit!".  But don't, because you're probably at work.  Or in Jan's case, the shitter.

I'm just glad that, FINALLY, there's someone in the dark basement of a cement building in Washington putting pen to paper and finally blessing the soon to be or current fathers of America with the good news!  Much like the books of old, the new gospels are being written by the Apostles (and federal employees) Laurie St. Single and her colleague Helen McToofatforkids, who have pooled their talents and your tax dollars to pull all the brilliant insights from the government funded studies illuminating us on such previous mysteries as what time to feed your children and how to prioritize your time as a father - (spoiler alert: they suggest you find a few minutes to read books or comics with your kids)***. We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.  This should be about as successful as the NFL's financial and family planning programs for its players.


***Just in case you wanted to get more details on this particular pearl of wisdom (or more likely that you don't believe me), I included the link to the site so you could see for yourself and get educated.  But hurry up, because that suggestion is just this week's.  From May 27-June 2, it was "Have fun outside and get exercise," so hopefully some of you got in on that action before the week ended.  You pay for it, so let's get some eyeballs on that site guys!  Hooray for being a the kind of dad your government says is good! 

FTLOSBW Weather Spotter

This one had some rotation to it.  Sirens had gone off earlier.  Last time I saw a cloud like this was in Chicago.  Wall clouds!

Part of same storm above

Front coming in, y'all.

Is Our Answer Steroids?

We're getting fucked by the juice ban.

Reading this article by Reussie, he makes some good points about holding on to what we have, but this points out the very real problem this organization has.  They say you dance with the shoes that got you here, but these shoes are shitty British Knights.  They were stylish, sort of, once.   But When you look at all the options, i'm starting to feel like the only hope (if we can't go steal or buy new shoes) is for the shoes we have to get repainted to look like Nikes.  Point is, we need guys who suck to become better, and that means juicing.

Look,  I have a frequent rider pass on the Get Excited About Any Good News train that runs between 94 and 35 and circles our stadiums carrying us on a never ending feedback loop of ball punches. But, we have to figure out some way to not be trapped -- the latest "resurgence" is fun to watch, it's also sort of not a resurgence, and is sort of only relevant because our division is so embarrassing.   We have to be honest that this team, with this pitching, is not a contender (probably for anything - as even with the latest Iraq like surge, we are still the second worst team in baseball) especially when we think about actually contending in the playoffs.  Yes, anything can happen.  But hoping to beat the best isn't the same thing as trying to be the best.  This staff is the worst in baseball by far, and the worst in team history. Thats not much to hang your hat on.  Unfortunately, we don't have much to trade, and it's not clear we have much in the wings. And besides Buck, consensus is the draft was worthless for everyone.  But we can hope.   My only point is, we can't let this non-resurgnece resurgence against bad teams take our eye off the ball that this is not the team we want to watch for the next 5 years.  We can't trade guys to get the same player back with a different number but a year younger and a pitching machine thrown in, but we need to not be wedded to protecting 95 losses either.   I don't know.  I just know that  Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer playing in 85% of the games doesn't mean jesus is coming back, and it doesn't get you 90 wins when your "Ace" is, well, who is our ace?

BG's guy "Buck"

Byron was up at TF yesterday.  I'm rooting for him.

FTLOSBW Outrage of the Week?

Took me a while to post this. I would have been outraged 10 years ago that you could buy booze and heaters with EBTs. Now, I'm not surprised. Kudos to State of Minnesota, very forward thinking.

Star Wars Action Figures Cheer June Birthdays

Friday morning a group of Star Wars action figures shouted a collective "Hip hip hooray" for June birthdays on FTLOSBW. Yours truly along with RTS and BG will officially enter mark their 20th year out of high school (better than giving out our actual ages). Han, Leia, Ben, C3PO, R2D2 were joined by Hammerhead, a Sand Person, and an imperial Storm Trooper in the celebration. Hammerhead remarked "June is the most exciting month of the year for me because it's when I got married to Mrs. Hammerhead. Now I'm twice as excited for June what with all these birthdays! Happy birthday to the greatest of the great!" R2 added "beep boop!"

Twins Beisbol Let's Feel It!

In an effort not to post over BG yesterday (by a minute, no less) I pulled the below but still thought it was worth reading.  So, get in your time machine and turn the dial back and try to remember where you were yesterday at 1:36pm and read the below -
 
Twins continue to hold off cellar dwelling just a little longer with another win (against KC).  Reading the Strib I came across this boobery -

"Justin Morneau’s two-run homer in the fifth inning gave him 10 homers and 29 RBI. His batting average is just .234, but when he lined out to Smith in the third inning, he absolutely scalded the ball."
- Joe Chirstensen, Star Tribune, http://www.startribune.com/sports/twins/blogs/157127895.html

 Great, he hit an out hard.

Twins #1 Draft Pick - "Buck"

I think I'm gonna like this guy...

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/-buck--starts-here--byron-buxton-of-baxley--ga---takes-his-prodigious-talent-to-the-twins-.html;_ylt=AkA3KF0_Tjkow1BYQ7g0lbQ5nYcB

Sounds like the Vikes could use him as well.