Donovan F. McNabb and your Minnesota Vikings

Well boys, it looks like McNabb will be joining the Vikes, assuming he agrees to restructure the last year on his contract ($14.5M), and all signs point to that, in fact, happening. At first glance, this appears to be a continuation of the never-ending veteran QB carousel in MN, but the reality is that this is different. For once, the Vikes took a promising QB in the draft, and for 0nce, they just want said veteran to play for a year (or less?) so that the promising rookie doesn't have to start in week 1 without having any offseason to prepare.

The way I see it, two things could happen here:

Glass Half Full BG viewpoint: McNabb has a lot to prove after getting run out of town by both Andy Reid and Mike Shanahan. He is only 34, and looked amazing against the Vikes in the 2009 playoffs. He has a solid bounceback year, the Vikes' O-Line holds together, they get one more good year out of Jared Allen, Kevin Williams and Antoine Winfield, and they sneak into the playoffs at 10-6.

Glass Half Empty BG viewpoint: McNabb is essentially washed up, but better for him to take the pounding behind a terrible line than to spook our QB of the future right out of the gates. He starts the first 8 or 9 games and then Ponder takes over. Vikes finish 5-11 and begin the rebuilding process in earnest.

At the least, this makes me more interested in watching the Vikes this year...but in reality, this is an 8-8 team. Another prediction: the Bears go 7-9 this year, as do the Lions...with the Packers running away and hiding in the division at 12-4 (I think I just threw up in my mouth).

See Those Trees Over There, Minnesota? They're Cameras. Also, you're Season's Over.

I love a good practical joke as much as the next guy. Maybe even more so. I like to think I can take it just as I can dish it out. Which is why I am not even going to be angry when Major League Baseball reveals tomorrow that in early May they secretly replaced the Twins with a local Men's team out of Omaha and have been documenting it for the new HBO reality show "Soul Crushers: How Much Can One State Take?". Fuckin Hilarious.

I mean, if Punking the entire population of the 12th Largest State by Area helps promote and grow the game, then I'm glad we could be a part of Season One. It all makes sense now.

All Season long, I kept thinking, "where's the camera?". Right? How else would any of this make sense? It's all so clear now. Bud Selig has always been a visionary. So getting us all excited about our $112 million payroll and then secretly watching us helplessly watch those dollars swirl around the toilet before they flush down the drain is just fucking genius. Genius.

And getting these local hardware store clerks to play major league relievers is a great idea. Perfect casting. Totally had us fooled.

Fuck, it's so obvious now. Total egg on our face. It's going to be so embarrassing when we watch ourselves not even notice how totally unrealistic it was when they had our MVP, who sat out 8 months last year with a concussion - a baseball concussion- come back and then hurt his wrist for a while and when we didn't get the joke then because we are so stupid, they had to make up a storyline that he would miss this year with a nerve thing in his neck. Up the Ante til the idiot's from the farm break! It's so Johnny Knoxville walking around with the door stop in his pants.

plus, cleverly distracting us with all the pre-season excitement glow from our hometown All-Star doing great cameos in tourism ads when he should have been riding a stationary bike to get us to endlessly talk about how important it is that he's being a great part of the community so when they fake his season long series of injuries, it seems so much less hurty. Right? I mean, nothing rhymes with "Capita". YAY MINNESOTA!!!!

Here's one for you, Joe. Go Ask the piece of shit agency who came up with the turd commercial you starred in: What Rhymes with Shitty? That's correct. "8 games back in the worst division in baseball".


Anyhooo. Hats off, Ashton Kutcher.

Cavalry Is Coming

I know we're still 5 games under .500 and up against Verlander tonight, and this team's not going to win a World Series. Nonetheless, just wanted to note that Kubel's on a plane right now, Baker's said to be starting Saturday, and Span should be coming home next week. All good things. We're gettin' the band back together, Justin Morneau.

Also, apparently Nishioka can actually hit at least a little bit, and Mauer seems to have remembered he's an MVP. And Nathan's getting more effective. And Valencia's improving. Things are looking at least a little bit up, finally. Time for a 9-game losing streak, I guess.

The SEC for academic reform?

http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/6787539/mike-slive-sec-proposes-reforms-college-sports

Mike Slive, the SEC commissioner, proposed raising academic standards for college sports. My gut reaction is this is like the fat kid making the fat joke before someone else can. Other reactions from around the conference:

Nick Saban, Alabama, announced he would cease recruiting in every state that was home to a SEC school.

Bobby Pitrino, Arkansas, said "I kind of agree with the thought of 'Let's toughen the college requirements. Let's make these guys all take the same classes their freshman year. Let's take care of our business in college. I agree a lot with the commissioner." Meanwhile he had his fingers crossed and later reminded everyone that Wednesday was opposite day."

Les Miles, LSU, called Michigan to see how attached to Brady Hoke they were.

Gene Chizick, Auburn, asked if he could still pay players fathers.

Mark Richt, Georgia, cautioned that by following these proposed changes, the SEC might risk having Big Ten like bowl success.

Steve Spurrier, South Carolina, recycled an oldie but goodie "That is a shame for Auburn and all their books. Some of them haven't even been colored in yet (#54)."

Dan Mullen, Mississippi State, "I got my money."

Houston Nutt, Mississippi, questioned how talented QBs, who are convicted felons and expelled from other schools would be affected by the changes.

Derek Dooley, Tennessee, said the changes would not change much at Tennessee as the NCAA is already permanently staked out on campus.

Joker Phillips, Kentucky, was pretty confident the standards would hurt Calipari far worse than his football program.

Will Muschamp, Florida, suffered Urban Meyeresque chest pains.

James Franklin, Vanderbilt, jizzed in his pants.

Cleveland Steamer

Well, Royals series down, 3-1, not bad, thought we'd lose one to them. Thanks for nothing, Matt Capps, now go get your fucking shine box (1:38)

Up now - Cleveland. When I say it's hot here, I mean it's hot (like when Chris Tucker use to be funny) It ain't the heat, it's the, yes, humidity. Remember in cartoons when they would cut out doughnuts from clouds of steam and eat them? People are doing that. But I digress. I like that the Tribe is a bit on the schnide (who knew, the O's.) They, however, are a young team that may not know any better and could cut off our nards this week but as I said to BG, I like us.

Tigres in the second half

Yes, I took this from the Strib. It's the the Leyland lead Tigres in the second half.

Year: Record (Games lost to AL Central lead)
2010: 33-43 (From 0.5 GB to 13 GB)
2009: 38-38 (Led by 3.5 G, finished 1 GB)
2008: 27-41 (From 6.5 GB to 14.5 GB)
2007: 36-40 (Led by 1 G, finished 8 GB)
2006: 36-38 (Led by 2 G, finished 1 GB, taking wild card)


Not to say the Indians aren't for real but . . .

Am I Sufficiently Glass Half Empty Now, Dr. Pavlov?

When I see Gardenhire say this, regarding the White Sox:

"You call it dominance," Gardenhire said. "But it's like a lot of one-run games, a lot of one- and two-run games, anything can happen at the end. We're finding a way right now to get it done. That's a team that can score so many runs. ... They can throw a touchdown in a heartbeat. You sit there as nervous as can be."

my first thought is "That's bullshit. I see right through you. That's nothing but some weak-sauced attempt to shield yourself from the scathing you rightly get over your pathetic record against the fucking Yankees."

That's how sick they've made me. I can't even enjoy how much we own the scuzziest, dirtbagginest bunch of douchewads franchise in baseball because all it does is remind me of the flip side of the coin. Frown. Need new hobby that brings actual joy.

To Close or Not to Close. That May Be Our Question. Unfortunately.

Im wondering if we need to start re-debating our (or anyones) need for a true closer. Not because I don't think they're useful; but because I don't think we have one. And the one We had when we had him as a closer sucked when it mattered. Let's face it, Nathan blew that yankees series and was shaky down The stretch when he was needed. My point is, capps looks awful. We need to be able to win with a bullpen getting guys out in the 9th just like the 8th.