Vidiots

Recently, Jan asked me the name of an arcade game that we used to play. We both happen to agree that this arcade game is the greatest arcade game of all time. We started talking about the classics and were going to write a back and forth article debating the all time greats. Jan backed out due to parenting duties. It has been indicated that a lot of us are disgusted with sports, so here is something completely off-topic. A list of the greatest games of all time is nearly impossible but I have attempted the list, breaking it down by categories. Also I have added a little color as to where I spent my formative years hanging out.

Old school game- When I say old school, I am talking about games where the player beats a phase, then goes onto the next and it is basically the same level but harder. Games like Pac Man, Dig Dug and Donkey Kong fit the bill. For me the greatest is the original Mario Bros. I still play it on my MAME machine (see pic). It is better than the rest because it offers fantastic two player play simultaneously. The introduction of Luigi allowed him and Mario to flip turtles, crabs and fighter flies in the sewer together. Diamond Lake Lanes (now a Cub Foods) had this game in their game room. There was not a smokier arcade in the city. I also learned what pull tabs were playing there.

Flying/Driving game- Hands down the sit down version of Star Wars was the best. Sure the graphics were primitive compared to After Burner and Out Run, but it was STAR WARS! The unique yoke that controled the X-Wing allowed the player to move up or down at the same time as one could move left or right. The guns were also mounted on the yoke. The game was easy enough that even as a kid I could blow up a couple of Deathstars before a Tie Fighter took me out. The Chuck'E'Cheese near Southtown was my favorite spot to play this game.

Adventure game- There were a slew of these games that allowed you to venture through various lands killing 100s of bad guys on the way. Gauntlet was mind numbing with it's 100 levels and thousands of creatures (Clancy's in Edina). I swear The Avengers, The Simpsons and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were all the same game with different graphics. My favorite was the original Double Dragon. This was probably the first game I ever beat. Roaming through the urban slums, the player beat the snot out of gang members. The key to the game was mastering the elbow punch. One could floor any opponent with the move. The genius of the game was that it was not too hard and allowed the player to keep moving on while slowly draining the pockets of all tokens and change. Crosstown Arcade was the home of this beauty. My friend Bob V and I used to walk the 1.8 miles (it seemed so much farther) from his house to the arcade.

Shoot'em up game- Terminator 2 aka T2, there is no debate. There were no joysticks or buttons, just guns. The guns vibrated too. It was as close to the real thing as two white boys from the Lake Harriet area had come, at least until we were robbed at Eden Prairie Mall but I digress. Jan and I beat this game too many times to count at the Southdale arcade. He was better than I. There is one scene where a Skynet helicopter crashes into the back and front of a pick up truck. He would protect one side and I the other. If the truck took too much damage we had to start the whole scene over. When I failed to cover the truck properly, he would get so mad. He let me know it too. I secretly wonder if he tried out other people for the job. I have never seen anyone else pit out a shirt playing arcade games. That is how serious he was.

Pinball Machine- World Cup. There may be better but I have never dominated one like I owned this one. I used to play this at The Vine, a bar that was 220 steps door to door from an apartment I lived in during college. I became so good at this game that it was routine for me to leave a few free games on the machine when I walked away.

The greatest arcade game of all time:

1A- Dragon's Lair is not the greatest, but I feel the need to mention it as a close second. It was more story than game. The graphics were like a cartoon movie at a time when Pac Man was cutting edge. The game was designed by Don Bluth who was a former Disney animator and would also make movies like the Secret of Nimh. The game play is actually so simple that it can be played on a dvd player or iPhone. I remember my dad playing it at Showbiz Pizza (which would later become the formerly mentioned Southtown Chuck E Cheese) and thinking he was awesome at it. Graphics alone earn it the 1A spot.

1- Smash TV- This game was half shoot'em up and half Running Man. The idea was simple kill 1000s of bad guys as you worked your way through rooms earning cash and prizes along the way. The game was unique in that it was played with two joysticks (think Karate Champ). One joystick moved the character and the other fired in whatever direction one aimed. A player could run in one direction while shooting in another. There were so many bad guys one literally never stopped shooting. Like Mario Bros, it allowed for simultaneous two player play. At the end of a level it added up all the cash and prizes (Toasters, Cars and VCRs) collected along the way. Neither Jan nor I played a real sport in the spring, we each did some club sports, and we would head out to Southtown lanes and play after school. Rumor has it that Jan and his cousin beat this game, but I was not witness to it.

One last little bit of color into what vidiots Jan and I were, senior year we would leave during lunch and head downtown to Pops arcade and play a few bucks (DTK went too but he was not a vidiot). Pops being down on Hennepin and 6th (I think), wanted to Police off their back. They carded everyone at the door to make sure they were of legal age to have dropped out of school. You can feel the awesomeness.