Football Gods to LOSBW: Message Received.
To: LOSBW
Fr: Football Gods
re: Your Failures
We have received your request to cease and desist. After significant internal review and debate we have decided to offer, and hope you consider, this generous counter-proposal:
Go Fuck Yourselves.
We are going to dangle a throwback winter wonderland trip down memory lane out there for all of you, and do it in a totally sad and meaningless way. We need to remind you, it didn't HAVE to be meaningless. It could have been amazing. AMAZING. How exciting would it be for all of you if this game was deciding the NFC North title for the Vikings? Outside and snowy like it used to be. Wouldn't you all love to see those throwback Viking warriors from the dominating 70's teams walking on the sidelines of a snowy, outdoor game against the Chicago Bears? A win would propel you into the playoffs, or heck, even if it was just to keep your playoffs alive? Yeah, so we are making sure that all the unlikely things that had to happen to keep your mathematical playoff hopes alive if you had just beaten the Giants and won your last three games when everyone was saying it was a lost cause so it didn't really matter - (remember that? It was last week) - yeah, those things like the bucs losing to the lions - we are making sure each and every one of those things happens. You know, just so you can't say "we were out of it a month ago". Nope, you could have made it even after all the hell we put you through. You just didn't man up. So anyhooo, enjoy the game.
Oh, just so you know, we are going to send Mike Leach over to Maryland. You know, that powerhouse school. It's ok. How could the University of Minnesota compete with a proven winner like that? Such resources and support. Did you know their 1980's stadium holds over 30,000 people? It never does, because nobody goes. But it could. But that division II guy you guys landed was a pretty big coup too. We helped make sure he didn't take the offer from Gustavus. So thank us, and shut the fuck up.
Sincerely,
The Football Gods, esq.
FG:dtk
7 Comments:
I know this is picky, but if I wasn't pouting what would i do, chalk up one more record set against the Vikes. Off the top of my head that is now: longest TD run in football history, longest play in the history of football, the longest safety in the history of football and now the record setting punt/kr for a TD. It was perfectly set up with the teaser on the kickoff return that was so close, only to be set on the very next punt.
I know it is petty but our misery is all we have now.
PS- I am pretty sure Jerry Burns holds the record for most profanity in one post game interview. I am proud of that one though.
December 20, 2010 at 9:39 PM
Other records we own:
- most collapsed roofs for a franchise
- most historic NFC Championship collapses
- most sexted penis pics, 2010
- most unsuccessful attempts to reform Randy Moss
- most former players on a State Supreme Court
- most 9-7 records, post-merger category
- highest division title/Super Bowl appearance ratio, post-FTLoSBW blog members memory formation (minimum 4 division titles)
- most players detained at airport security, Whizzinator category
- highest disillusioned/optimistic fan ratio
December 20, 2010 at 11:21 PM
I am LMAO at most 9-7 records, post merger category. The NFL went to the 16 game schedule in the mid 80s, so it would not be that hard to get the actual number of 9-7 teams. If it is slow today at work I am going to research this and make this record official.
December 21, 2010 at 6:03 AM
To the Football Gods - Fuck you Joboo, I do it myself.
How about Bud Grant coming out in short-sleeves at half time? What a tough ole sonofabitch. How about the Vikings players then collapsing collectively? How about Madieu Williams not wanting to be there? How about some asshole hitting Frampton in the face with a snowball after he blew coverage and got scored on only to have it called back?
Not to depress us all but Vikes are 0-4 against the Pack and Bears this year, never being really competitive at all.
Now we have to wait 10 years until we go to another NFC title game and lose that in crushing fashion, I guess in the meantime I can watch Twins teams underachieve and lose to the Yankees in the ALDS.
December 21, 2010 at 10:14 AM
I am not sure if I am happy or sad about this. Despite having 7 9-7seasons the Minnesota Vikings do not have the record. 7 is enough for sole possesion of second place. The honor for most 9-7 seasons belongs to the Seattle Seahawks with 9. I did not see that one coming.
December 21, 2010 at 12:30 PM
Well done, fellas. Well done...the problem with being on the west coast is that, by the time I check in, everything's been said.
One small piece of input: the Division Titles to Super Bowl appearance ratio in our formative years is actually undefined, since the denominator is zero. How's that for depressing?
Yeah, stay classy endzone fans. I don't see fudgie fans pelting their own players with snow. Nice work.
Glad that the field really didn't impact the outcome...our crappy play did.
Joe Webb? Yeah, needs a little work. That said, I liked his mobility and he seemed to throw a nice ball. Wait...I think I said EXACTLY the same thing about T-Jack 4 years ago. God help us...
BTW, how much do I want to turn back the clock to 1998-2000 right now? Dysfunctional but winning...that was an okay combo.
December 21, 2010 at 12:31 PM
P.S. If there is any silver lining to last night's beatdown, it's that Lovie Smith just earned himself another contract in Chicago.
December 21, 2010 at 12:33 PM
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