Open Letter to the U.S. Congress

Dear Congresspersons,

Thank you for taking time out of your crazy-hectic days to ask Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite whether or not they took illegal substances to boost their performance playing baseball, or beisbol if you prefer. Also, and I know this is a late in coming, but thank you for previously taking time to ask Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa, Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, and what I'm guessing are multiple others, if they too, took performance enhancing drugs to boost their performance and or increase the longevity of their respective careers.

While at first I thought it strange that you septegenrians would take on such a topic, the insight that you have discovered from countless hours of questioning, certainly have put an end to any questions of relevance that I had. To think, all I thought you guys, and one or two gals, did up there was to create legislation in order for our federal government to function. To me, this seems like at least a 40 hour a week job. But you so selflessly have found the time- probably even forced to miss a few Murder She Wrote reruns- to take on this issue which, as you know, is currently one of the most pressing issues facing our nation. In matter of importance, I put this issue, right after the war we're currently waging in Iraq, the war we're currently waging in Afghanistan, the national economy- especially given the current state of affairs in the credit markets, unemployment, global warming, homelessness, illegal immigration, saving social security, access to health insurance, the national infrastructure- including roads and bridges, crime and incarceration, stem-cell research, lowering our consumption and dependence on fossil fuels, developing alternative sources of energy, improving the education system... ...(musical interlude)... .... increasing the speed limit on Sepulveda Ave by my house, and right BEFORE finding out what you get when you put the lime in the coconut.

So with that, once again, I thank you congresspersons...I'll be rewarding you this November.