FTLOSBW Gets it up for Football: Purple Preview
When you win 3 games, you get a high draft pick and an easy schedule. However, parity rules the NFL for better for worse unless you're one of 6 legit organizations which we are not.
Alright, let's do some math.
Week 1 - JAGUARS
Easy peasay Japaneasy. If people thought we were going to be better, we would lose this game. Not this year. Vikes 1 - 0
Week 2 - at Colts
We make it tough for Andrew Luck (I bet he crushes it week 1 and takes a step back week 2.) Vikes 2 - 0
Week 3 - at 49ers
They went to the NFC Championship game last year, we didn't. They choked that game away like the Purple would have. Either way, we win this one as we seem to have the 49ers number when it largely doesn't matter for us. Vikes 3 - 0
Week 4 - at Lions
Megatron kills us. Our secondary is worse that expected. Other teams take notice you can still throw on us. Vikes 3 - 1
Week 5 - TITANS
I don't know who is on their team besides Chris Johnson. I think we win? This is kinda of an easy schedule to this point. Vikes 4 - 1
Week 6 - at Washington
DTK and I plan to be in attendance. I'm guessing if AP hasn't blown out his knee by this game we will get to see it. Lightening strikes twice (can someone in the NFL explain why we play Washington at Washington in back to back years?) Anyway, no revenge. Vikes 4 -2
Week 7 - CARDINALS
Don't they suck? Is that what some Cards blog is saying about Week 7 against Minnesota? Vikes 5 - 2
Week 8 - BUCS
Again, why are we playing them for the second year in a row at home? Didn't they come back on us last year and pull it out? Didn't everyone do that to us? Not again. Vikes 6 - 2
Week 9 - at Seagulls
No more TJac in Seattle. No more anyone for that matter. I smell a road win. Vikes 7 - 2
Week 10 - LIONS
Megatron kills us. Vikes 7 - 3
Week 11 - BYE
Vikes stay 7 - 3
Week 12 - at Bears
They're suppose to be good, right? Probably will beat us. Vikes 7 - 4
Week 13 - at Packers
Shit. Vikes 7 - 5
Week 14 - BEARS
Rollerdome. Emotional win. Vikes 8 - 5
Week 15 - at Rams
They're bad. Vikes 9 - 5. Playoff bubble which means trouble.
Week 16 - at Houston
Bumblin'. Vikes 9 -6
Week 17 - PACKERS
Stumblin'. Double shit. Vikes 9 - 7. Miss the playoffs. Everyone jacks off into a cup for next year.
Alright, let's do some math.
Week 1 - JAGUARS
Easy peasay Japaneasy. If people thought we were going to be better, we would lose this game. Not this year. Vikes 1 - 0
Week 2 - at Colts
We make it tough for Andrew Luck (I bet he crushes it week 1 and takes a step back week 2.) Vikes 2 - 0
Week 3 - at 49ers
They went to the NFC Championship game last year, we didn't. They choked that game away like the Purple would have. Either way, we win this one as we seem to have the 49ers number when it largely doesn't matter for us. Vikes 3 - 0
Week 4 - at Lions
Megatron kills us. Our secondary is worse that expected. Other teams take notice you can still throw on us. Vikes 3 - 1
Week 5 - TITANS
I don't know who is on their team besides Chris Johnson. I think we win? This is kinda of an easy schedule to this point. Vikes 4 - 1
Week 6 - at Washington
DTK and I plan to be in attendance. I'm guessing if AP hasn't blown out his knee by this game we will get to see it. Lightening strikes twice (can someone in the NFL explain why we play Washington at Washington in back to back years?) Anyway, no revenge. Vikes 4 -2
Week 7 - CARDINALS
Don't they suck? Is that what some Cards blog is saying about Week 7 against Minnesota? Vikes 5 - 2
Week 8 - BUCS
Again, why are we playing them for the second year in a row at home? Didn't they come back on us last year and pull it out? Didn't everyone do that to us? Not again. Vikes 6 - 2
Week 9 - at Seagulls
No more TJac in Seattle. No more anyone for that matter. I smell a road win. Vikes 7 - 2
Week 10 - LIONS
Megatron kills us. Vikes 7 - 3
Week 11 - BYE
Vikes stay 7 - 3
Week 12 - at Bears
They're suppose to be good, right? Probably will beat us. Vikes 7 - 4
Week 13 - at Packers
Shit. Vikes 7 - 5
Week 14 - BEARS
Rollerdome. Emotional win. Vikes 8 - 5
Week 15 - at Rams
They're bad. Vikes 9 - 5. Playoff bubble which means trouble.
Week 16 - at Houston
Bumblin'. Vikes 9 -6
Week 17 - PACKERS
Stumblin'. Double shit. Vikes 9 - 7. Miss the playoffs. Everyone jacks off into a cup for next year.
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| Goodbye forever Sidney Rice Jersey. You Suck. |
5 Comments:
I feel like Jimmy the Greek may have risen from his racisty coffin and taken shape in Jan's body. I suspect we will see Jan on a pottery wheel soon with Jimmy's ghost hands running through his hair.
BTW, kind of crazy how far the megastars from Ghost have fallen. When was the last movie anyone cared about with whoopie goldberg or demi moore? If patrick swayze wasn't so dead, he'd be making situp videos with chuck norris, so probably good career move.
oh, back to the vikings. This is a pretty solid thought process by Jan. However, i take exceoption with a few items. I have to say, I am oddly optimistic this year. 1) our schedule is pretty easy, especialy until december. I don’t like the new backloading the divisional games at the end bullshit, btw. We can do better, NFL. I eat my dessert before my meals. I don’t believe in foreplay. I don’t pay for my vacations by making extra stops so I get more airmiles. Get me to where I need to be.
Back to the Vikings.
I need to be optimistic. I am saying 16-0. Back to NO, where we finally get what those human buoys stole from us in 2010. OK. So, that’s a little insane. But I would say that there is no single game we can’t win. Like 20% of the time. So, as a matter of math - SOH CAH TOA – each week we have an equally good shot of winning any given time, so ipso facto, every week is a new win.
Specifically, I think we end up 3-3 in the division. And that would be pretty good. This is a good division for once. I think we end up a respectably mediocre 5-3 at the midpoint. And then replicate. 10-6. We wildcard in, and then win one game.
Oh, and I fully expect AP to finish the season……on a stretcher.
All that said, we should pretty much suck this year. But since nobody expects much more than shit, maybe this is the year we sort of shock ourselves. You can’t choke if your hands are on your balls. I don’t know what that means. But I think it means see you in New Orleans.
August 29, 2012 at 11:38 AM
I just shoot from the hip. I don 't look at how we get there and pick individual games, I just take a macro look around. I call 6 wins and an over suckiness feeling to the season.
August 30, 2012 at 8:54 PM
How many seasons of actual wear did you get out of that Rice jersey?
August 30, 2012 at 8:55 PM
One game - Lambeau 2009.
August 31, 2012 at 8:14 PM
OK, so...just a week late here. Shows how psyched I am for some NFL!
I love the optimism, but have to say y'all are craaazy. The Vikes will be fortunate to win a single divisional game. We were awful last year and share the division with three playoff contenders, including the best team in the league. Throw in Houston and San Fran, both of whom we have no shot at beating, and that's already 7 losses at best.
Now, granted, the rest of the schedule is atrocious. We're incredibly lucky to get the NFC West and AFC South, easily the two worst divisions in the NFL. Throw in Tampa and the 'Skins, and this has to be in the easiest non-divisional schedule any team's seen in the last decade. Eight of the ten never even sniffed the playoffs last year. That's remarkable.
Nonetheless, the Vikes are not good. Improvement is inevitable, however, so I'll be optimistic and say 6 wins. But I feel like 5's more realistic, then we fire Frazier and draft some WR's to help Ponder in the offseason.
The better discussion topic might be: who wins more games this year - Gophers or Vikings?
And with that, enjoy the season!
September 7, 2012 at 4:06 PM
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